In the previous article, we discussed sensitive topics that inevitably need to be discussed between parents and children. We started with loss, and now we have come to sexuality. In every family, there comes a time when this subject needs to be addressed. Although today, this topic is no longer as taboo as it used to be, it is far from being commonplace. What mother doesn't feel uneasy when her child asks how babies are born or when she frequently catches them touching their genitals?
Religious beliefs aside, finding pleasure in one's own body is not wrong, and everyone does it. Feeling pleasure when receiving a head massage or a caress on the face is, for children, the same as feeling it when touching their private parts. Observing babies, you can notice that they gradually discover parts of their body: feet, hands, as well as all the orifices (mouth, nose, etc.) and their genitals. The discovery of the pleasure the body can provide is part of the process of sexuality, which begins in childhood and ends in adulthood. In childhood, the genitals are just another part of the body capable of providing pleasure, not the main source, as it is for adults. A complicating factor in the relationship between adults and children is when adults believe that both have the same intention.
It is up to parents to teach that when it comes to the pleasure obtained from touching one's genitals, there is a time and place for it. This pleasure is personal; it cannot be done in front of everyone, nor can it be provided by someone else. By saying this, parents will also be entering into an extremely important topic in today's world, which is the necessary precautions when in contact with unknown adults or, in some cases, known ones. It is possible, therefore, to alert children, teaching and explaining (rather than alarming them) that only those designated to care for their hygiene can touch them.
If masturbation becomes compulsive, it may be a sign of anxiety or the child being exposed to excessive stimulation. This does not only refer to sexual abuse, as there are other more common ways for this excess to occur: the child witnessing or hearing sexual acts between parents, having access to pornography on television or the computer, and so on.
Questions about how babies are born can take years before the puzzle is completely assembled. The first important tip in any situation is to pay close attention to the language, which must be adapted to each age and as simple as possible. The second tip is to stick to answering the specific question that is asked. Take it step by step with straightforward answers. For example, if your child asks how babies come out of the belly, don't explain how they get in, as they may not be ready to know, and vice versa. The stork explanation no longer works for children with internet access. But don't forget: it is better for children to learn about human sexuality through loving and careful parents who respect age-appropriate content than through images that may scare them.